a quick update while i'm feelin' happy!

hello! hellooooo! just thought i'd make sure you know how good i feel sometimes. like right now! right now i am talking to some of my favorite people online, wearing a new feisty jacket that i purchased for no respectable reason, listening to incredible music, and looking at jobs on craigslist that are getting me excited...like maybe i won't have to gauge my eyes out at my next job!

here's my new jacket! i'm so cute! and frivolous. and vain.


also i...
*saw one of my very favorite musicians in concert. Mirah! she is so beautiful and her songs are so pure and she sang all by herself. AND she basically wrote the entire set list with me in mind because she didn't leave out a single one of my favorite songs.

*have developed an acute hatred for soda. well, i haven't, but my stomach has. soda makes me burp all night so that i can't fall asleep until 6am. that's a hoot.

*am reading animal, vegetable, miracle by barbara kingsolver and it is beautiful. it makes you very hungry for local, in-season food. it also makes the idea of raising chickens sound very endearing and romantic.

*started playing my banjo again. i really love that guy. i think it's time to name him/her. sexuality is still unclear.

*am starting to trust that things are going to be ok. everything has always worked out in the past, why would the ground fall out from under me now? no pun intended. ha!

changing seasons

it's been a few weeks. for those who depend on this site for updates on my progress, i apologize. strangely enough, i've been pretty busy lately. there have been many visitors and many changes in the last month. i can hardly believe we are as far a long as we seem to be.

to begin with, i'm walking walking walking. i've almost entirely abandoned my wheelchair - a blessing you can only understand if you've been in one for any period of time longer than a race through hospital hallways. i'm using a cane these days for support getting up and down stairs and for longer distances, but around the house, i feel closer to normal each day. i am finally sleeping upstairs in my bedroom, taking real showers, and the doctor even says i am good to go on driving. my physical therapy is wonderful. its effects have clearly sped up the process of my healing. i go about twice a week, and by the way things look, i won't continue my therapy once the month is out. perhaps best of all, i have shed the turtle shell and the neck brace. that's right! i look like a regular twenty-somethin' now...minus, of course, my flowery cane.

but not all changes have been for the best. i recently found out that my insurance policy has kindly decided not to pay a cent towards my accident. apparently my policy does not cover "hazardous activities" like mountain climbing. which is awesome. after all, the only real reason my dad worked so hard to get me insurance for the summer was specifically because of my canyoneering, so it's nice to think that the fine print is happy to kick me when i'm down. there are a few options for proceeding from here, but it looks like the only one that doesn't end in me paying for my life the rest of my life (is that ironic?) is declaring medical bankruptcy. sigh. it's frustrating and it's kind of terrifying (make sure your insurance plan covers your adventurous activities), and i really wish all the legal and financial components of this were wrapped up, but i foresee a lengthy process, much confusion, and many tears in the future.

i suppose that the hardest part of all of this has not so much been the physical pain or financial stress (although, believe me, those have hurt in ways i hope you never have to experience); rather, it is the eagerness to wrap it up, move on, and start an active life again. i'm so so so tired of waiting. of sitting around each day wondering exactly what it is that i should be looking forward to. i have been given the unbelievable opportunity to fully recover and gain back a normal life. but really, what am i supposed to do with this life? in so many ways i feel like i'm exactly where i was a year ago when i came home from washington. i am no closer now than i was then to knowing what i want to do with my life. in some ways, i'm farther away than ever. i'm so jealous of my friends who are moving ahead, finding jobs, serving abroad, getting married, even just falling in love. i want all of those things, and yet i do not feel i have received any divine direction as to where to set my bearings. any sign or indication would be great, but at this point, i'm still waiting. at this point, all i know is that god has saved me. i have been rescued and cared for, and i'm not sure why. the miracle of my life is evidence enough to me that god is good, loving, intimate, and real. so is it weird or ungrateful somehow to wish to move on from this miracle? will i have to think about falling and death and a million what if's every day for the rest of my life? agh. i don't know. right now, psalm 40 just keeps running through my head:

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

i'm sorry if this is all a bit "emo" as my sister might say. these are just the kind of thoughts you have when you've been sitting around waiting with nothing but project runway, pain killers, and your brain to keep you company. in conclusion, your thoughts and prayers are welcome.

well then. i mentioned visitors didn't i? yes, first it was my dear lisa for a week of trashy magazines, television, and indian food. then it was my precious annamalia for a weekend visit of knitting, more television, borders, and anglican picnics. and finally, my favorite dusty came to play for a week. more tv? more knitting? you know it! and some art museums, ethnic cuisine, beach frolicking, city slicking, and lots of scrabble. so you see, on the days where all i have to do is commune with loved ones, there is great joy. and in the moments when i can say to myself, "hey, i think i'll go for an autumn walk in the forest preserve," there is even greater joy. and when there is an opportunity to thank god for another day of life, i rejoice fully.

love. love. love.

and love pictures.

a dance for the bean. (note the wheelchair in the reflection)


warm fall day at the beach.


wave attack!


dusty's rock collection.


and his favorite rock.


a friend wanted to read my book.


love knitting.

a walk in the bog.


autumn berries.


bog bears. very rare.


yummy colors.


happy tamarisk tree.


birthday pie for my cousin.

like i said: love.

she can walk!!!! baby's first steps!!!!

three cheers for dr. merk, our new favorite orthopedic doctor who has given me the green light on weight-bearing! the light is so green, in fact, that he had me stand up and take my very first steps right there in the doctor's office. steps! little happy baby steps from my wheelchair to the door. me! steps! walking! yayayayay! YAYAYAYAYAYAY! celebration on earth! celebration in the heavens! she can walk! she's a walkin', yes indeed! but, "wait," you say. "what of that dr. karakovich who said you couldn't walk for another three to four months?" dr. kraaazyface, you mean? yeah...one look on the dr. merk's face about that diagnosis, and we knew what a whackjob he was. so! i'm weight-bearing! it's off to physical therapy for me on monday. let the progress continue!

here is a photo documentation of my standing up for the folks back home...

ho hum, another boring day in the wheelchair...

what's this? trying to get OUT of the wheelchair?!? absurd!!!

pulling up the pants!

TA DA! Success!

and my reward? cookie dough! well-deserved.

bored as a gourd

aaaaaaaaaaaaah! boredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredbored! and also bored. that is me. me = bored. i have watched too many movies. i have stalked too many facebook profiles. i have swallowed too many pills. i have seen too many project runway reruns. when i posted that entry about waiting a couple months ago, i thought i was being soooo virtuous and insightful. but now that i am at the pinnacle waiting (hopefully?), i feel silly for having presumed that my journey into open-ended anticipation had somehow plateaued in july. even now i fear concluding that it couldn't get any more "waitful." and so i shall stop panicking and start savoring the now.

ok. so. despite the monotony of my days, there are so many good things. like my many wisits. as much as i would like to poo poo the automobile for its environmental destruction etc., i must say that every time a friend pulls into my driveway and whisks me away to chipotle or forever 21 or any other transgressive pleasure of our irresistibly commercial society, i cannot help but whisper a prayer of thanks. don't get me wrong, i love sitting in my living room all day long, marveling at daytime television...just love it. but sometimes a girl needs a bigger world! so three cheers for friends and family with sedans! hoorah! hoorah! hoorah! additionally, i have been knitting...a lot. observe!

hats for family and friends!

and a very mommy shawl for mommy.

there is a cowl on the way as well. i tell you, nothing gets you stash-busting like wheelchair confinement! additionally, movies. sooo many movies. new ones that i have enjoyed: waitress, the departed, and burn after reading. ones that are a waaaste of time? bull durham, tropic thunder, and maybe that's it?

and just in case you were wondering about my health, i still haven't a clue as to when i'll be weight-bearing. the last doctor visit was a strike out, as she was not qualified to clear me for therapy, so we're on our way to doctor number four here in chicago. fantastic. but every day i am a little more mobile, a little more independent. i can basically do my morning routine without any help, and it looks like mom will be moving back upstairs to her bed tonight. what a trooper. morale is good; i'd say i'm not too discouraged about all the waiting...just bored. and no, i'm not reading yet. i keep trying, but it just gives me headaches or puts me to sleep. so as much as i love all the book recommendations, please stop teasing me! i have a delicious pile of pages tempting me, but my little eyes just can't take the strain.

and that's it i guess. wow, it's amazing how much i can blabber given how little is going on. thanks for listening!

Baitlyn Plays Humpty Dumpty

Kaitlyn took a monster fall last Wednesday, while doing some rappelling at Pine Creek canyon in Zion NP. She's in the hospital in Las Vegas, but making amazing progress. Please go to www.caringbridge.org/visit/kaitlynbohlin and leave her a message, story (real or fake), gossip, etc. to keep her entertained while she is trapped in the ICU. Thanks!!

btw

just thought you like might to know that this where i live. see that silver dot below the arrow? that's my car. unfortunately, my house is covered by trees, but you get the idea. also, aren't my photoshop skills marvelous?

observations - enjoyable and annoying

nothing terribly exciting to report here, but i thought it might be nice to mention some brief details of my daily life - things that i find most enjoyable and things that i want to ram my face into a cactus over. i hope this gives you a nice look at some of the smaller parts of my time here at zion.

-my family has coined a term: "poor squirrel decision" or PSD for short. but here at zion, the real idiots on the road are lizards. they will jump at anything, and they will make sure to step under your foot or bike or car just in time to give you a heart attack. i'm fairly confident i've only actually stepped on one (and it survived with no apparent damage), but seriously. they must be the dumbest creatures on earth. also, whenever they're bathing in the sun, they do push ups. because they're jocks.

-there is one retired volunteer here who brings in krispy kreme doughnuts every time he works. every time. so even though i don't know his name, i do know that he brings joy to my life every day that i see him.

-men of all ages seem to think that they should flirt with solitary female rangers at the backcountry desk. do i invite this? no. do any of the male rangers deal with this? no. because? boys are stupid. UNLESS! you are young, foreign, and beautiful. then the flirting is clearly welcome.

-beetles here smush their heads into the ground when they feel threatened. that is to say, if i hover my foot over a beetle, rather than moving out of the fire range, they do gymnastics on the cement sidewalk.

-hummingbirds will attack larger birds (like robins) if they feel that their nests are threatened.

-my commute takes me past golden canyon walls every morning. it makes the 5:45 wake up call worth it....sometimes.

-the ice machine where i load up before every hike has the most perfect, tasty, crunchy ice in the world.

-the first person at 7:00 am in line for a permit always AlWaYs ALWAYS wants to cancel four reservations, transfer 2, make three new permits and add six zebras to the one they have for today. and could i upgrade their entrance pass to an annual pass? thaaanks.

-the flow level of the virgin river right now is 39 cubic feet per second. we open it for recreation at 120 cfs. when it flash flooded last week, it spiked at over 700 cfs.

-volunteers do not get to wear the ranger flat hats. this makes them conflictingly sad and relieved.

-one of my coworkers races the visitors up canyon walls. it took the visitors about 20 minutes to "run" up a 600 foot STEEP canyon wall. it took crazy tim less than six minutes.

-people do not want to take responsibility for their own safety. you can tell them 40% chance of rain. high flash flood potential. no high ground. horror story after horror story. but in the end their anguished faces still look to you for a go or no go. and you can't give it to them. and you wish you could because you sure waste a lot of knitting time on helping them not make a decision.

-aspen trees always grow in little groves because they all share a root system. so when you see one, you always get to see a happy family. and of course, the sunshine is always playing in their leaves.

-sage brush after it rains, is one of the most incredible odors i've ever been fortunate enough to smell.

-totino's personal pizzas are always perfect.

-45 minute lunches are pretty nice.